This week ain’t been my best. I don’t know if it’s the bad weather, or just a bad case of the sulks, but I’ve been a right moody cow this past week. And I think it’s all revolved around one thing: failure.
I’ve already said how the immense pressures of January can go do one – and I bloody well meant it! – but, even so, I’ve found them impossible to ignore. I’ve tried to see beyond that one month and look at the big picture instead, but I still feel the same weight on my shoulders as everyone else. I can’t help but feel like January is the prime time to kickstart myself and if I miss that golden window of opportunity… Well, it doesn’t show much promise for the rest of the year, does it?
The thought of having already fucked up the hopes and dreams you had at the end last year is scary. Isn’t it? Isn’t it freakin’ terrifying to think that, little over a month ago, you imagined yourself as some 2018 badass #Girlboss✌️ and, here we are, in February, and not all that much has changed? In fact, I find it so damn scary that it makes me afraid of even trying. Because that’s what happens when you think you’re going to fail, isn’t it? You just stop trying. That way, you won’t fall from such a great height. It’s more like stumbling over a crack in the pavement, which is a lot less daunting than throwing yourself off the White Cliffs of Dover.
But then, of course, I had a moment of self-realisation (these usually occur when I find a cool new movie on Netflix, like ‘Sing Street’ which is currently playing in the background as I write this, or while I’m singing along to my ‘Sassy Showtunes’ playlist on Spotify). I just thought, “Hey, you know that idea of failing, the one that makes you freak out, break into cold sweats, curl up into a ball and just stop even trying? THAT’S what’s making you fail in the first place, you idiot!”
I haven’t failed I’m meant to be on a health kick but cracked and ate two takeaways in one week (neither were instigated by myself, I might add). I haven’t failed because I have crazy high hopes for my blog but don’t know how to take it to the next level because, truly, I just like to spill words onto a page and anything further than that baffles me. None of those things will make you fail. They’re just little hiccups along the way! If you let them throw you off for good then you’ll never overcome them and – drumroll please – THAT FEAR WILL MAKE YOU FAIL!
What an epiphany, eh? Not bad for a Sunday morning.